Key elements of listening spaces

= Don’t talk over others or interrupt. If someone interrupts, gently ask them to stop. Take turns. Raise hands, or go in order.

= Don’t rush through or go too fast. Create a calm, quiet space without interruptions or distractions.

• = Allow periods of silence while we find what to say.

• = Let the person decide when they are done. Don’t jump in. If time is an issue, the group should decide on what’s fair and stick to it.

= Don’t react or speak up automatically. Watch how your reactions to what others say reflect your own experience, not the person speaking. Give yourself time to respond from a deeper place.

= Ask permission before giving advice or responding directly to what someone said. Sometimes people just want to be listened to.

= When someone responds to you or gives advice, allow yourself to take what is helpful from options presented, and leave the rest, rather than defending yourself if you disagree.

= Listen as a receiver, not as a critic. Imagine different perspectives and experiences, rather than assuming they’re just like yours.

Facilitation and Self-Facilitation

With their roots in effective listening, groups can nurture healing and community through facilitation. Facilitators help the group listen more effectively, and pay specific attention to the overall needs and direction of everyone involved, not just their own individual needs. The facilitator should avoid bias, and if they are too involved with a particular group topic then someone else might be better in the role. It helps when two people facilitate and when facilitators reflect group diversity such as gender, age, and race. It is also good to pair more experienced and less experienced facilitators, and to offer new people a chance to learn facilitation skills.

Importantly, everyone should keep overall group needs in mind, and everyone can assist the group through self-facilitation.

Key elements of facilitation and self-facilitation

= Create a clear agenda or plan on how to spend your time together.

= Keep track of time so people can “wrap up” their feelings without feeling cut off or not heard. Closing the meeting respectfully is as important as beginning it.

= Remind everyone to respect group confidentiality, so sensitive information does not leave the room.

= Check in with the group’s energy level and focus, and redirect the conversation if it is becoming scattered or bogged down. Suggest breaks, exercises, games, or agenda and time revisions when necessary. If conversation is lagging, ask questions, tell a story, or get up and do some stretching. Sometimes if the group is stuck, the facilitator can ask a clarifying question, reframe an issue, or connect points to earlier discussion.

= Offer choices, especially if people want feedback or not after they speak.

= Consider using “I” statements when speaking, such as “I feel” and “I want,” to stay focused on your own feelings and needs. Talking about other people or gossiping takes focus away from your own experience.

= Encourage defining problems within the concept of “dangerous gifts” and unique mysterious talents rather than seeing ourselves as flawed or diseased.

= Use a common vocabulary and minimize jargon.

= Be on the lookout for repeating patterns in each other’s lives to identify root causes.

= Investigate how past experiences shape present realities. Did something from childhood happen this way? From an early work or school experience? The past can help explain the present, but stay focused on present problems.

= Reflect upon the political dimension of personal problems, and reframe problems within a framework of a crazy-making society instead of blaming the person suffering.

= Hold people accountable for behaviors but don’t criticize who they are as people.

= Focus on the things we can control and let go of things we can’t, but don’t give up on visions of change and revolution!

= Keep an experimental attitude and a willingness to explore new perspectives and options.

= Learn what triggers you and how to cope with them. Recognize the buildup, escalations and de-escalations in crisis periods.

= Remember that the group is not a promise that problems will be solved, but a space to address problems safely.

= And finally: know when to bust out! Nature isn’t always neat and orderly. Sometimes wild conversation, spontaneity, and “breaking all the rules of facillitation” is exactly what the group needs in the moment. A skilled facillitator and skilled participants can feel when the chaos and cacophany that erupt are refreshing and true to the group spirit, and when to go with it. Then comes the time to reel it all back in and return to the basic structure of taking turns and listening carefully.

 

Inclusion and Self-Determination

Groups need to be welcoming and inclusive, where diverse perspectives and life choices are respected and honored according to the principles of harm reduction and self-determination. For example, people who take psychiatric drugs and people who don’t take them are welcome.

Mutual Aid

= Ensure people can make their own best decisions by having solid facts about the drugs they take, their diagnosis, and options. Psychiatric drugs are toxic and have huge dangers pharmaceutical companies don’t talk about, and diagnostic labels are often misleading and disempowering. At the same time, holistic health doesn’t work for everyone, and going off drugs can be risky. Share lists of books, websites, and articles that have information correcting mainstream misinformation.

= Compare experiences with herbs and holistic health, medications that are helpful, and different treatments.

= Share advice and knowledge on how to reduce and go off medication safely if people want to.

= Put together a resource list of area low-cost/sliding scale health care practitioners who are open to non-mainstream views of mental health and recovery: use the Icarus Provider Guidelines and listing.

= Help people advocate for themselves with their doctors and health care practitioners; accompany them to appointments.

= Advocate for people struggling for justice: publicize human rights violations, connect people to patients advocate organizations, visit hospitals, contact area media, write letters to the editor.

= Connect each other with legal aid resources, housing, community gardens, free food and other needs.

= If a person is disruptive or needs a lot of attention, consider pairing them up with someone one on one, so they can get the focus they need and the rest of the group can continue.

= Set aside issues or conflicts taking a lot of group time to deal with outside of the group. Sometimes interpersonal mediation one on one is better than a group trying to solve a problem between two people.

= Share info about activism, community events, and recreation so people can meet outside the group.

= Learn ways to help people when things start to come crashing down. Consider creating a crisis plan where people name their early warning signs and describe the support they want if they start to go into crisis.

 

Different Forms of Peer Counseling Groups

With the principle of listening as the foundation, groups can take many forms. Once weekly, once a month? Is it a drop-in group, or are people committed for a series? Is it open to anyone or does the group select its members? Looking at and learning from different group models can give you a broader sense of what is possible and how to structure your group.

= 12-Step Programs such as Alcoholics Anonymous. Group members tell their stories drawing on years of shared wisdom, and follow a stages model of recovery through specific personal and spiritual goals. More experienced members coach newer ones through one- on-one sponsorship.Timers divide up speaking time equally.

= Council Process (“Talking Stick” model). Members take turns speaking on a theme or topic without interrupting or responding.

= Co-Counseling Dyads: People take turns with equal time in pairs, where one person is the speaker and the other just listens, then they switch.

= Skill-share, Resource Sharing, Such as Medicine-Specific, Holistic- Specific, or Advocate-Specific.

= Reading / discussion group.The group chooses an article or book to discuss each meeting.

= Emotional Support Groups: participants gather because they share a particular problem/theme, such as chronic pain, being a veteran, or suffering grief and loss.

= Hearing Voices groups: Small gatherings across England and Europe where people discuss the experience of hearing voices and share ways to cope in a non-judgmental atmosphere.

Empower yourselves to explore different options and create your group the way that works best for everyone

 

Confidentiality

Revealing intimate information makes people vulnerable. Groups build trust when this vulnerability is respected and cared for. Your group should agree to a confidentiality policy and make sure to practice it.

Some options are

General Experience Only: Members may discuss what they and others say and do with people outside the group, but only generally, without any names, details, or clues about the specific people or events. This is a common policy, used in the NYC Icarus Group and Freedom Center: it supports discussion of sensitive topics such as abuse, criminal behavior, and suicide, while allowing participants to take what they learn to the rest of the world.

Personal Experience Only: “What’s said here stays here.” Participants may discuss what they themselves say and do with people outside the group, but may not talk about, or even refer generally, to what others say or do. This is a more restrictive policy used for groups, such as 12- step groups, that focus specifically on difficult topics such as addiction and abuse.

Full Disclosure: Group participants are free to talk about anything that happened in the group. While common for activist organizations and public events that want to get the word out freely, this approach should be weighed carefully for groups providing mutual emotional support.

Total Non-Disclosure: Anything said or done is not repeated, or even alluded to generally, to anyone outside the group. This can be useful for a closed group focused on a very sensitive topic, where participants want to go very deeply into personal issues over time. This is a common policy used in the RVA Icarus Group.

Every group has different needs, so while General Experience Only is the most common support group policy, the group should set its own policy. Make sure to explain the confidentiality policy at the beginning of meetings, perhaps as part of the preamble.

 

Example Peer Support Facilitator Notes

Keep in mind that each group is different and unique and that it may be necessary to review and revise the format of your peer support group and the level of disclosure that is practiced. These are the notes that the facilitators of peer support groups in Richmond, Virginia’s Icarus Project group use during weekly peer support groups. Feel free to reuse and remix these notes, or make up your own entirely!

1. Start on time!

2. Choose a facilitator via consensus decision-making.

If someone is uncomfortable with the person offering to facilitate, that person needs to voice their position and put in a downvote. We will only know your comfort level if you tell us!

3. Introductions: Facilitator explains the role of a facilitator.

A facilitator guides the group process so that it flows smoothly. In this way, the facilitator leads the group efficiently, but does not take leadership responsibility. The facilitator makes sure that everyone has an equal amount of time to speak and that no person is speaking over or interrupting someone else. The facilitator also keeps time.

As our group is non-hierarchical, we like to rotate the position of facilitator for each meeting. If you wish to volunteer to facilitate in the future, please raise your hand now or speak with me after the meeting. Inexperienced facilitators may be able to team up with more experienced facilitators. Please do not hesitate to ask questions if you are unsure of what a facilitator does.

Basic Steps to Preventing Sexual Assault

While nothing can prevent people from doing awful things, there are certain policies that Occupy groups could adopt that might help:

= Ask consent before touching. That means ask, “Can I hug you? Kiss you?” etc, and wait for the person to reply yes or no, instead of just going ahead and touching a person.

= Develop a system for dealing with assaults/boundary breaches to hold people accountable for their actions, and support all involved. Unaddressed problems within movements destroy them.

• = Provide teach-ins on abuse cycles, consent, and sexual assault.
• = Make it a priority that no one is forced to sleep near people they don’t know.

= Make safer sleeping areas. Some Occupy Wall Street groups have created areas for women-identified people, people with kids, sober, queer and/or trans-friendly areas.

= Create an overall space that values gender and sexual diversity; these values should be actively woven through all aspects of the Occupy sites, processes, and actions.

Occupy Wall Street Safer Space Training Document

Principles for anti-oppression

• = Practice listening.
• = Be aware of your own privilege and the space you occupy. = Understand that your experience is your own; don’t normalize it to the exclusion of others. = Validate other people’s experiences of racism, sexism, homophobia, transphobia, ableism and other forms of oppression and work to counter them.

• = Don’t make assumptions about people’s identities.
• = Do not engage in silencing behavior; make room for everyone to speak.
  

  Principles for survivor support

• = Believe the person when they tell you they were harmed.
• = Give agency to the person harmed to make their own decisions.
• = Enforce separation from the perpetuator if requested in order to provide safety. = Don’t assume what the person harmed needs: ask and offer options.= Ask before engaging in any physical contact, even if it seems harmless.

• = Try to keep the person engaged and present.
• = Recognize triggers and try to limit them.
  De-escalation and nonviolent communication tactics
• = Speak from “I.”
• = Practice listening.
• = Take a walk if needed to remove the person from the space.
• = Identify and name problematic behaviors.
• = Acknowledge your own and the other person’s emotions (e.g. “It seems like we’re both tired.”) = Mirror the other person’s nonviolent actions and mannerisms to make them comfortable.

• = Be compassionate but be honest.
  How to respond to an incident
• = End the immediate harm.
• = De-escalate and separate.
• = Ask the person who was harmed about their needs and allow the person to make choices. = Follow up.

Healing from Sexual Assault

Individuals:

Healing from sexual assault is similar to other types of traumas, but unique in its own ways, too. If friends, family, and one’s activist community respond with care and support that further empowers the survivor, it can help in the survivor’s recovery process.

Sexual assault survivors are often left with extreme feelings of shame, humiliation, powerlessness, and fear. The person who was assaulted (survivor) must be in charge of their followup. They need to know that they alone get to make the choice of whether they will go to a hospital for a forensic medical exam (commonly known as a “rape kit”), or notify police. A support person can offer suggestions, but can’t force the survivor to do anything.

A supporter should offer to accompany the survivor to a hospital or in dealing with a police report, but should not pressure them to do either. The supporter should not touch the survivor unless given consent. If the survivor does not want to file a police report, ask them what they want to happen to the perpetrator. Let the survivor know that they do not need to make these decisions right away. However, if there is any chance that the person might consider a medical exam, and/or legal proceedings like if they are married, they can file for a divorce in Boca Raton. It is best if they do not shower or bathe right away, because evidence will be lost. Overall, the supporter must assure the survivor that they will do all they can to support them, and that the community will stand by the survivor’s wishes. The supporter must also do what they can to assure the survivor’s anonymity within the community.

It may be helpful to speak anonymously with a counselor at a rape crisis center directly by calling the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1.800.656.HOPE. It will connect you with a local rape crisis center.

Many resources are listed at www.rainn.org/get-information

Unfortunately trauma is usually not a wound that heals just by waiting for time to pass. Trauma can keep hold of our lives for many years. It is important to try to work with the trauma somehow, in whatever way is best for you.

Making connections with others and honestly expressing our feelings is important, especially when we want to hide or avoid our problems. Finding safety and trust is the first step to healing.

Just talking, though, may not be enough to heal trauma. Sometimes talking about what happened can mean reliving what happened, and not help. If the talking seems to go in circles or not lead to a sense of completion, it might be just stirring things up, not healing them.

It is also commonly believed that you can heal trauma by “getting it out of your system,” punching pillows, or venting strong emotions. This can be helpful, but sometimes it can end up making things worse, or even re-traumatize you. Real trauma healing is usually slower and more gentle.

Therapy, including EMDR, DBT, and CBT, can help many people. Others find these are not helpful. This section focuses on what we can do for each other as a community. Most importantly, everyone is an individual—experiment and discover what works for you and learn how to best help yourself and others.

Signs of a traumatized or “triggered” state:

= Repetitive thinking of worrying thoughts or memories related to the event; intrusive memories and feelings; chronic fear

= Staring off into space; “thousand yard stare;” flattened or frozen expression and body; freezing and numbing; “emptiness”

= Extreme defensiveness and rigid thinking; irritability; explosive overreactions

= Sexual preoccupation and constant interest

= Discomfort, pain, stress, illness; “nerves”

= Returning to traumatizing situations

When someone has just been traumatized:

1. Help any bodily injury, medical issue, or physical need first
2. Don’t get up and act like nothing happened
3. Go to a safe place; help them to stay dry, warm, and still
4. If the person wants to talk, listen without interrupting or changing the subject5. Remember that trembling or being emotional is part of healing, and better than “numbing out;” encourage people to feel the sensations in their body fully. (See below.)

First Aid/Feeling Body Sensations:

Trauma cuts us off from our bodies. When we are in overwhelming danger, we dissociate or “leave our bodies” as a protective measure. Later this protective mechanism becomes stuck and counterproductive. The key to healing trauma is to return to our bodies, by feeling our physical sensations and making our bodies safe and alive again.

Ask, “How do you know that you are sad? Is there tightness in your chest or throat? How do you know you are afraid? Is there a cold feeling, or a sinking feeling in your stomach? Feel it fully. How large is the feeling? Is it changing? What do you feel next?” Listen without interruption and give plenty of time to feel and respond. Grounding and resourcing yourself will also help the other person.

Keeping eyes open usually is best for focusing on body sensations.

If the person can’t feel their body at all, ask, “Can you feel your feet on the ground? Your pelvis sitting on the chair?” Grasp their hand or shoulder and say “Can you feel my hand?” Always ask before touching. If lying down, ask them to sit up. Ask to walk around slowly and feel their legs and feet. Or gently hold and press their feet to the ground.

If the person is staring off in the distance, talking in circles, withdrawn, or agitated, encourage them to put their attention to the world. Ask, “Look around—what colors do you see? Can you name them?” Ask them what sensations they feel in their bodies.

When someone is preoccupied with traumatic memories, find distractions. Ask them, “When was a time that you felt safe and peaceful? Can you describe the sights, sounds, smells and colors of that time?” Ask them to feel sensations in their body.

If the person is defensive, on guard and uncooperative, just drop it. Change the subject, go for a walk, leave the discussion/work for later. When a traumatized and defensive person perceives you as a threat, it is very difficult to convince them to just “snap out of it” or to see that they are experiencing a flashback. Wait until they are calm to discuss it.

If body sensations are too uncomfortable, try to find a sensation, even small, that is neutral or pleasant, and focus on it. Go back and forth between uncomfortable and pleasant senations. Notice any relaxation in breathing, warmth, or trembling. This is normal; feel the sensations fully.

Feelings of fear, guilt, loss, sadness, or anger are normal when we are traumatized. Don’t judge feelings in yourself or others. Listen with acceptance and care.

Ongoing Support

Triggers: It can be helpful to make a list of situations and things that trigger traumatic memories and upset you. Anniversaries of events, people, places, and situations can all be triggers. Learn to avoid your triggers, expose yourself gradually, or prepare for them when they come. Ask friends to help you.

Recognize that you/we are protesters too! Many activists quit being active because they become exhausted, burned out, and/ or traumatized. It follows that we need to both witness personal experiences of suffering—and honor the long-term sustainability of protest and revolution—by taking care of ourselves and each other. When it comes to emotional support, we must all practice what we preach; process is the product. If things gets rough for you, if you’re feeling upset or triggered, never hesitate to step out and/or talk with someone. Do shifts in pairs or small groups, hold regular meetings to think/talk through or role-play challenging situations, and designate specific times for debrief and recreation.

Psychological First Aid

Psychological first aid documents ideas for responding to urgent situations in which someone is experiencing marked distress or madness, whether a panic attack during a march, trauma following police brutality, or an aggressive on-site disturbance late at night. Above all, the people who engage in psychological first aid must not be afraid of emotional intensity. They need to be able to enter it with the person, while remaining one hundred percent present and conscious of their interaction and surroundings.

Safety: Build the person’s sense of safety and control by removing them from harm’s way and possibly the scene. Embody a sense of community, compassion, inclusion, security, and shelter: Ask, “What do you need right now?” or “How can I help you in this moment?” Right off the bat, meet their basic needs (food, water, ice, tea, a phone call, and/or medical attention). You might try giving simple either/or choices (“Would you like a piece of fruit or a Luna bar?” or “Can I get you a cup of tea or some ice water?”) This gives people something to focus on and a sense of control in the simplest form, without overwhelming them with too many choices. Be clear and concise with your communication, and reduce any other stressors, including bystanders and extraneous support people.

Comfort: Practice stress reduction/management through techniques such as breathing and body awareness. Ask them what’s up/what happened, but be cautious of re-traumatization: let them lead the conversation. Provide soothing human contact (first asking consent to physically touch the person); comfort and console. Validate their experiences as common and expected, without minimizing what they are going through. Remember that feelings are always subjective, and therefore always one hundred percent real.

Language: Be aware of, and sensitive to, your language. Consider that many occupiers may find clinical language to be triggering and oppressive. Remember that people come from diverse backgrounds and perspectives, and language is often used as a tool to marginalize and control, and our movement is still developing a compassionate language for describing altered states of mind that respects people’s subjective experiences. Try to be humble when judging another person’s state of mind. Stick to concrete descriptions and the words the person uses, and be aware that some things that may seem helpful can actually be harmful. For example, do not say, “Lets talk about something else,” “You should try to get over this,” “You’re strong enough to deal with this,” “I know how you feel,” “You’ll feel better soon,” “You need to relax,” “It’s good that you are alive,” “It’s a good thing you didn’t get arrested,” or “It’s a good thing you got out of there before they whipped out the rubber bullets.” These comments could pathologize and exacerbate the traumatic experiences of the person you are trying to support.

Connectedness: A sense of isolation can be extremely distressing in and of itself. Keep or get people connected to their friends, communities, loved ones, and the broader Occupy movement. With their permission, you may need to make contact with people on their behalf. Provide pathways for them to gain social support from others who are coping with the same traumatic experience. Offer material about the different resources and services available both within and beyond Occupy, taking care to explain that their experiences are unique, contextual, transitional, and can be engaged with a diverse range of approaches.

Self-determination: Talk with people about their situation. Using your best judgment, give them information that they want about what happened/is happening/will happen. Clarify things only to the extent that you are absolutely sure; do not set people up for unreasonable expectations. For example, it is better to say “I don’t know, but I can try to help you find out where your friends are” rather than “I’ve heard that the National Lawyers Guild lawyers are getting everyone out tonight!” Start turning their care back over to them. Develop a plan of immediate first steps for what to do when they leave, using practical first steps and do-able tasks, before brainstorming with them about how they might start to plan for longer-term support if needed.

Active listening: We all have two ears and one mouth; we should be listening twice as much as we speak. Remember that people often just need and want to be heard more than anything else. Make it clear that you are listening:

= Body language: leaning in, eye contact, facial expressions, minimal fidgeting

= A compassionate presence: calm, soothing tone of voice; minimal encouragement (saying yes/ nodding/ summarizing/ mirroring/ reflecting); let them drive the conversation—start with a clear and open mind, and do not come to the conversation with expectations; occasionally repeat what you are hearing in your own words; ask questions to clarify if necessary; do not interrupt; be very careful with humor (no sarcasm)

= Active understanding: avoid asking “Why?” and “Why not?”; do not judge; silence is okay, but be sure to continue eye contact or (again, consensual) touch

Suicide, Violence, and Hospitalization

If someone seems suicidal, speak with them. Listen to their feelings, before telling them to do anything. Ask directly if they are considering killing themselves. Ask if they have a tool or a plan. If so, ask if they can trust you enough to share the plan, or to give you the tools they were going to use. Also, ask if they have executed the plan already (this can happen in the form of taking pills). It is also beneficial to ask something like, “Have you felt this way before? If so, how did you overcome this feeling?” This enables you to see how the person was able to get better in previous episodes. Most of all, take it very seriously. Read about suicide risks and signs. Call the local suicide crisis hotline and talk over the situation with them.

Hospitals are not a panacea, and can sometimes make things worse. While it is harder to kill yourself in a hospital than outside, it still happens. Someone who is kicked out of the hospital due to insurance or other policies may then kill themselves in the end. If the suicidal person is hospitalized, have a support team visit during and after hospitalization. Ideally, the person being hospitalized makes the decision to go; in many states, it is not possible to admit someone without their consent.

Don’t take the decision to hospitalize someone lightly. How bad can a few days or weeks or months in a psych ward be? Worse than jail? For some, yes. Inpatient hospitalization often inflicts physical and emotional abuse upon patients, with scars and medical bills that can last a lifetime. Once hospitalized, many patients are sucked into a revolving door of psychiatric care as their personalities are dissected and pathologized under the gaze of the psychiatric magnifying glass. If possible, provide an alternative space to a hospital. Some have found that time at a spa or even a hotel room, with friends present around the clock, is far more effective than a hospital stay. Perhaps the suicidal person would like a healing ceremony of sorts.

It is impossible to judge the level of risk of suicide. If nothing else, do not keep it to yourself. Speak with crisis workers. Keep a close eye on the person. Encourage them to come talk to you and other emotional support people as often as they want. Be especially worried if, after earlier confiding their suicidality, they seem to suddenly withdraw or act especially happy. They may have made a decision to kill themselves, which may be giving them a sense of peace.

Don’t diagnose violent behavior. When support gets called in, it’s often because someone is being disruptive or harmful to others. This could be anything from loud, off-topic rants at a meeting to physical or sexual violence. When someone is acting in harmful ways and the cause isn’t immediately apparent, it can be tempting to try to “diagnose” them and to conflate actions taken to prevent them from harming others with actions taken to help them. But confusing the two can be really hurtful, both to the person you’re trying to help (a lot of the trauma around psychiatric abuse stems from the fact that coercive and hurtful things were done in the name of helping the person) and to people in mental distress who are not harming others but may get lumped in with those who are.

Drug use, mental health, emotional trauma, or other unmet needs are at the root of a lot of problematic behavior. Understand that these are coping strategies that may have had some purpose – your goal is to figure out alternate ways to get these needs met without the problematic behavior. Remember that fear and anxiety may heighten the tension, so try to remain calm and avoid accusations and blame.

If there is a weapon involved, try to convince the person to give it to you. If they will not, and if trying all your de-escalation or intervention tactics, and those of others in the group, does not work, it may be necessary to call for police assistance for the greater well-being of all. Perhaps that person can return another time, but at the moment, they are not acting in a way that is conducive to everyone else’s health nor their own.

If considering hospitalization or incarceration, take responsibility for your decisions and be clear about your motives—it’ll make your presence more effective. Don’t send someone to the hospital or call the police because it’s “better than doing nothing.” Let people know about community resources, and together figure out ways to meet their needs without harming others. Calling the police or sending someone to the emergency room for mental health concerns should be a last resort, after consultation with friends and allies. Consider first the potential ramifications including imprisonment, deportation/ loss of immigration status, increased depression, undue medication, shame, a prison record, loss of custody/visitation rights, interruption of life, loss of anonymity, and health care debt, as well as further scrutiny of protests, police brutality, sensationalist media representations, and so on.

If someone is hospitalized or incarcerated, follow through by organizing visits and other communication. When they come out, help them process why the support team made the decisions they did. Try to be receptive to their critique and/or anger and/or gratitude.

Try to see every action taken by those within the movement, whether positive or negative, welcome or unwelcome, as an opportunity to come together as a community and support one another. Choosing to alienate others or ourselves in times of stress creates a snowball effect of hurt feelings and hurtful actions. However alone we may sometimes feel, we are all in this together.

When It All Comes Crashing Down

When you or someone close to you goes into crisis, it can be the scariest thing to ever happen. You don’t know what to do, but it seems like someone’s life might be at stake or they might get locked up, and everyone around is getting stressed and panicked. Most people have either been there themselves or know a friend who has been there. Someone’s personality starts to make strange changes, they’re not sleeping or sleeping all day, they lose touch with the people around them, they disappear into their room for days, they have wild energy and outlandish plans, they start to dwell on suicide and hopelessness, they stop eating or taking care of themselves, or they start taking risks, being reckless, and may (in rare circumstances) become frustrated and violent towards themselves or others. They become a different person. They’re in crisis.

The word “crisis” comes from the greek word krisis meaning “decision” or “judgment.” A crisis is a moment of great tension and meeting the unknown. It’s a turning point when things can’t go on the way they have, and the situation isn’t going to hold. Could crisis be an opportunity for breakthrough, not just breakdown? Can we learn about each other and ourselves as a community through crisis? Can we see crisis as an opportunity to judge a situation and ourselves carefully, not just react with panic and confusion or turn things over to the authorities? While everyone must be held accountable for their words and behavior, it is our collective responsibility to create a space for this to occur in a way that promotes movement, not containment, in people’s lives.

 

Crisis Response Suggestions

Work together.

If you’re trying to help someone in crisis, coordinate with others to share responsibility and stress. If you’re the one going through crisis, you may want to reach out to multiple people whom you trust. Human connection can be very healing for a crisis. The more people you have to support you, the easier the process will be and the less you will exhaust your support system.

Try not to panic.

Crisis can be made a lot worse if people start reacting with fear, control, and anger. Study after study has shown that if you react to someone in crisis with caring, openness, patience, and a relaxed and unhurried attitude, it can really help settle things down. Often times this approach is derailed because the supporters themselves are exhausted and stressed. Above all, the people who engage in crisis support must not be afraid of emotional intensity and altered states—they need to be able to both enter it with the person, and remain one hundred percent present and conscious of their interaction and surroundings.

Be real about what’s going on.

When people act weird or lose their minds, it is easy to overreact. It’s also easy to underreact. If someone picks up a knife and is walking around talking about UFOs, don’t assume the worst and call the cops. If someone is actually seriously attempting suicide or doing something extremely dangerous like lying down on a busy freeway, getting the police involved might save their life, but it might also put them through more trauma from being forcibly locked up in a hospital ward. Likewise, if someone is cutting themselves, it doesn’t always mean they’re suicidal. People cut for a variety of reasons, most of which are deeply personal and incapable of being understood through diagnosis. Sometimes people who are talking about the ideas of death and suicide are in a very dangerous place, but sometimes they may just need to talk about dark, painful feelings that are buried. Use your judgment, and don’t be afraid to ask others for advice. Also, don’t be afraid to ask the person in crisis what they need. Sometimes you just need to wait out crisis. Sometimes you do need to make the difficult decision to take action to try to interrupt a pattern or cycle. What that action is can depend on a lot of things, like the person’s trauma history, their physical needs, and the availability of support networks.

Listen to the person without judgment.

What do they need? What are their feelings? What’s going on? What can help? Sometimes we are so scared of someone else’s suffering that we forget to ask them how we can help. Beware of arguing with someone in crisis: their point of view might be off, but their feelings are real and need to be listened to. (Once they’re out of crisis, they’ll be able to hear you better.) If you are in crisis, tell people what you’re feeling and what you need. It is so hard to help people who aren’t communicating.

Lack of sleep is a major contributor to crisis.

Many people come right out of crisis if they get some sleep, and any hospital will first try to get them to sleep if they are sleep deprived. Sometimes the psychiatric drugs hospitals provide can really help with sleep, but sometimes the lack of privacy and control in the hospital environment can itself cause or worsen insomnia. If the person hasn’t tried Benadryl, herbal or homeopathic remedies from a health food store, hot baths, rich food, exercise, soothing sound, or acupuncture, these can be extremely helpful. If someone is really manic and hasn’t been sleeping for months, though, none of these may work and you may have to temporarily seek out psychiatric drugs to break the cycle.

Drugs may also be a big factor in crisis.

Did someone who regularly takes medication suddenly stop? This can cause a crisis because of the severe withdrawal effects of psychiatric drugs, which often get (mis)diagnosed as people’s “mental illness” coming back. Ideally, someone quitting medication has a plan and support system in place to do so, but in the absence of such, try to respect their wish to go through withdrawal. The crisis may be physically necessary and may pass, although remember that a transition to no psychiatric drugs must be done carefully and slowly, not suddenly. If they are not deliberately trying to come off of their drugs, try to help them to get back on them.

Create a sanctuary and meet basic needs.

Allow Yourself to Feel

“If I don’t think about, it it’s not there, right?”

Some people believe that it is best not to think about a troublesome issue, thought, or feeling, as getting upset about it may only make the issue worse. In some instances, this will be true, depending on how you react to any given situation. However, we must never put a troubling issue to the back of our minds in hopes that time will make it all go away. Such behavior is often harmful in the long run. Sure, you will not be “bothered” by such thoughts right this moment, but while you’re ignoring your problems THEY ARE STILL PRESENT IN YOUR AND OTHERS’LIVES. What is most beneficial for all involved (especially your own long-term mental health!) is to deal with any stress, anxiety, or troubling issue as it arises. Waiting for time to “take its course” in solving your problems can create more stress in your life.

In many cases of maladaptive coping we do not allow ourselves to feel and analyze our emotions. You should always ALLOW YOURSELF TO FEEL. Oftentimes our rational self tells us that feeling isn’t constructive. Socializing in our society has conditioned us to believe this. This is true for all people, although society socializes the genders differently. Regardless of your gender, FEELING IS NORMAL. Allowing yourself to feel a whole range of emotions about any given situation is healthy. What you do in reaction to these emotions, however, can be unhealthy.

Leaving the Situation When “Fight or Flight” Kicks In

The first step when confronted with a stressful situation is to remove yourself physically from the stressor. Doing this will give you time away from the stressor to process how you feel. If you remain in physical proximity to something that causes you stress you will not have the mental capacity to focus on your thoughts. If the stressor is a person and you do not take a physical time out, you may lash out irrationally at them, whether verbally or physically. I keep emphasizing “physical” because at no point should you distance yourself emotionally. If you are engaged in a conversation, and want to continue the conversation once you cool off, consider saying, “I need to take a time out. Can we continue the conversation in 30 minutes?”

Once you are away from the stressor, take some deep breaths, sit down, and allow yourself to feel. If you are angry, be angry. If you are sad, feel free to cry. Feel whatever feelings come to you—do not suppress them. Try writing about it, or talking to someone who is far- removed from the situation. Make sure you allow yourself 20 minutes to calm down. This is not just an arbitrary number. It takes the body 20 minutes to get out of “fight or flight” mode.

Coping with Overwhelming Emotions (a Quick Reference list)

A common reaction to experiencing overwhelming emotions is a heightened sense of personal vulnerability or fear. The following strategies may lessen the impact overwhelming emotions will have on your mental health.

= Validate the emotion. Remind yourself that it is normal to experience feeling overwhelmed as well as the range of other emotions you may be experiencing.

= Share your emotions with others. Understanding, supportive others who can listen to you often provide relief. You may find that they have experienced similar overwhelming emotions sometime in their life. Even if you do not talk about your emotions, the company of supportive others who are experiencing similar reactions, thoughts, and feelings can be a comfort.

= If you do not want to be alone, find ways to be with others. Spending time with familiar others can make you feel safer and more comfortable. Entertain the notion of inviting a friend over to spend the night with you, travel across town with friends, and let people know you would like their company.

= Create a safe environment. Analyze your living, working, and school environment and identify ways to increase your sense of personal safety and security.

= Obtain accurate information about your reactions. Seek out the assistance of informed others who can help you sort out your feelings and thoughts. Avoid persons who deny or minimize your experience.

= Realize that you cannot control everything. Often our fears are exacerbated by situations that remind us that we cannot control all persons, places, and things. It is often helpful to identify those things that are in our control, and to try to let go of those things that are not.

= Remember that your emotions are valid. Over time, you will start to regain your sense of security and balance. If you feel that you could benefit from assistance in this process, seek out a peer support group or mental health professional. It is often helpful to consult with others in a therapeutic setting if you feel that your daily functioning is negatively affected. “Therapeutic” does not have to equal “professional”! Stick with what makes you feel comfortable.

Mindful Communication with Others

Mindful communication is often the key to a successful relationship. If you’re constantly making judgmental statements to someone, the chances are good that you’ll lose that relationship. Let’s look at how to be more mindful of the messages you send to other people.

Consider the following statements:
“You make me mad.”
“You’re such a jerk, I could scream.”
“Sometimes you make me so upset I just want to end it all.” “I know that you did that to me on purpose just to hurt me.”

What do all of these statements have in common? It’s true that they all express some kind of emotion, such as anger, distress, and sadness. But more importantly, they’re all judgments of the other person. Each of the statements blames the other person for the way the speaker feels. Now consider how you would feel if someone said one of these statements to you. What would you do? Maybe you would say something just as angry back to the person, which would lead to a big fight. The result would be that nothing gets resolved. Judgmental statements like these stop any form of effective communication. So what can you do instead?

One of the solutions is to turn “you” statements into mindful “I” statements. Mindful “I” statements:

• = Are based on your own mindful awareness of how you feel.
• = Are a more accurate description of how you feel.
• = Let a person know how you feel in a nonjudgmental way.
• = Evoke greater empathy and understanding from the other person, which allows the person to meet your needs.Turn Judgmental “You” Statements into Mindful “I” StatementsHere are several judgmental “you” statements turned into mindful “I” statements. After looking over these examples, take the opportunity to write down your own.

Judgmental “You” Statement

Seek out support and SPEAK UP in a manner you feel comfortable with if you feel someone’s causing harm. “Safer Spaces” groups and other groups in various Occupy encampments will be working on ways to make it easier to address these issues. Try to stay calm and LISTEN to one another—we all have a lot to learn from people who are historically marginalized.

Respect your INTUITION and your BOUNDARIES. Just because someone is in the same protest doesn’t mean they’re necessarily a safe person to hang out with; you have to feel that out for yourself, and may want to show up initially with a good, trusted friend. Also be mindful about what you need to do to take care of yourself. We all have roles to play, and some may find that certain actions are not for them. Sleeping outside, for instance, day in and day out, in cramped spaces filled with people, can be very hard on our physical and emotional selves. For example, to take care of our mental health one of the most important things is to get enough sleep, but the encampments can make that hard—while you could use earplugs, you then won’t be as safe when it comes to dealing with possible police problems. Or maybe you’re in a situation in your life where you absolutely can’t risk getting arrested, so you have to make strategic choices about which activities to engage in. It’s important to know that there’s many ways to participate in these movements—contributing what you can, when you can, is wonderful. One of the beautiful things about being involved in protests as a diverse collective (rather than as an individual) is being able to create a space where people can step forward or back as they need to, without feeling like they are carrying the full responsibility of the movement on their shoulders. We are in this together.

Avoiding ARREST isn’t always possible because the production of fear, panic, and aggression, is a key tactic used by police to undermine protesters and protests. However, we can keep our collective ears out for clues of impending arrest situations: Police will be more tense and coordinated. Pay attention to their radios and bullhorns, discretely listen in on conversations, and be aware of shift changes. In addition, consider how police have been treating the protests in general—if they have been arresting people at random during marches that don’t have permits and you can’t risk arrest, then consider sitting these ones out and/or supporting the action in other ways (like writing letters of support to the newspaper or calling political officials). If you are arrested, stay calm. If you have important medications that you need, demand them repeatedly; you may also request to go to a hospital. You also have a right to a sandwich. Make a note of officer badge numbers and names. Make sure you have the LEGAL SUPPORT phone number written on your body. Also have some spare quarters, and call them as soon as you can.

Police BRUTALITY during an action and/or arrest poses another significant risk to our emotional, social, and physical well-being— particularly for folks who are brown, black, and/or trans and therefore more likely to be targeted for violence. Stand up for/with each other— name and shame attacks that are blatantly racist, sexist, or homophobic. In a possible arrest situation or march, take off earrings or other dangly jewelry, tuck long hair away, keep scarves and other clothing close to your body, and try not to have a bag with a long strap—all of these may get pulled and lead to added harm. Yell “MEDIC!” if you or someone else is hurt. (Street medics are trained in basic medical procedures to help protesters; they wear red crosses on their clothes.)

Notice if police are carrying a big canister that looks kind of like a fire extinguisher—this may be PEPPER SPRAY (they may also have it in pellets, foam, or small cans). It will burn your eyes and skin like crazy, and can make you nauseous. If you get sprayed, try to take your contacts out (for this reason it is actually best to avoid wearing them at all during actions). Don’t rub your eyes; instead OPEN THEM AND CRY. Wash them out with LAW (liquid antacid—Maalox—and water). Tip your head to the side and start from the inner eye so that it runs across and out the other side.

Look out for police in riot gear with gas masks—some may be holding huge TEARGAS guns that they use to shoot out teargas canisters. If you have asthma, other breathing issues, or are pregnant, try to get out.  Some people own Glock pistols at home for security purposes. If possible walk to higher ground as teargas will sink to lower areas. (General protest etiquette is to not run because people can be trampled, but in extreme situations, you might consider it as a way to care for yourself.) Teargas makes you feel blind and like you can’t breathe for about five to twenty minutes. It can also have long- term physical effects, but mostly it can be an extremely TRIGGERING experience for many. It is loud and scary. It is possible to hold your ground, too, though often police use the teargas as a way of clearing an area, storming in like a line of robots. Be aware that the teargas canisters are extremely hot and can burn you if you try to pick them up without heat-safe gloves. One way to protect yourself is by wearing plastic goggles (like tight-fitting swim goggles) with a respirator. For a more low-tech option, cover your mouth and nose with a water-soaked rag and close your eyes. Teargas is not as effective when there’s water, and cider vinegar in the water on the rag can also help. Breathe through your nose, not your mouth. Afterwards wash your face in COLD water and castille soap. Later, take a cool shower, and wash your clothes as they will continue to off-gas.